Heartbreaks and Relationships… Dedicated to Boy and Nick. April 7, 2006
Posted by blackwidow in Relationships.2 comments
Today's blog is esp dedicated to my 2 best friends, Nick and Boy.
Achtung!: Some of you might find this post soppy and mushy.. 
2 years and a half ago, i went through the most difficult time of my life. I didnt just lose my beloved papa to cancer, i also lost the shady tree i took shelter under through all the hard times ,and played around through the good times– my relationship.
As much as papa's death was a blow to me, i was still able to accept it as fate, mainly because he was in pain, and it was best for him to go.. eventhough it broke MY heart to see my uncle slowly wrap him in kafan. But losing my relationship 4 months later after courting for 3 years.. that was a double blow. My only consolation is.. If i can survive my dad's absence, then the breakup is peanuts. Boy, was i wrong…. Heartbreaks dont heal that fast… And it'll still haunt you long after…
But even after the break up, i was also glad for the frens who were by my side.. consoling and lending me their shoulders to soak up my river of tears and phlegm alike.. (!).. the thing about break up is, it will last as long as you want, and cut you AS DEEP AS YOU LET IT BE.. sad but true.. when you hear your heart breaking.. and when you feel like f*ck*ng up your life becoz you cant concentrate on anything but your realtionship, take another good look.. usually, most often than not, its your own doing.. you let yourself be dragged down by all the emotions you feel.
i know … i know.. easier said than done. That was also the time i went clubbing like mad! every single night, with Wanie. Yup, she was the bubbly fren who kept me sane and calm during those nights out.. Thank god for Wanie. But after a while, it hit me.. i wasn't doing myself a favour by going out and partying all night. In the end, i still go home alone, tired and lonely. Plus.. it was damn expensive to support all the expenses. Clubbing aint a cheap hobby y'know!
So i started paying more attention to frens and family.. which was a better option, i must admit. Till this day, none has failed me. So i stopped my late nights, partying and galivating around.. Concentrated on things that matters, like family and good frens.. At thi spoint, do i really know my real frens, and those frens who are only by your side when all is cherry and gay.. Another turning point in life. sigh..
Anyway, the moment i chose to concentrate on these things, and forget about my failed realtionship, the happier i became.. which goes to prove one thing–> i was in charge of my own happiness, and how i want to lead my life. I can chose to still mope around over my relationship, but i can also pick myself up, dust myself, and move on.
THEN only did i open myself up to meeting new people.. or in other words, start dating again–seriously. So that is when i met my current boyfren. and honestly, was i glad i decided to change my attitude towards life. Had i not, i might have missed a beautiful relationship.. Put aside the fact that IT also might fall and crumble one day (touch wood!!!), but at least, there's always that possiblity that he is the One..
Nick and Boy just went through the difficult time in their life.. Breaking up with those girls that they believe were the "One" for them.. For different reasons i'd say, but nevertheless, hurt just as much.. So yeah, having two bestfrens whose relationship fails within 2 months of each other does affect me as well.. It sucks to see one of them sad, much less BOTH.
The cruel (and shallow) way of calming them down would be saying that there are other fishes in the sea.. BUT.. face reality, none would ever be the same as the one you've lost. Maybe better, OR, maybe WORSE. Fine if its not the latter.. otherwise…. I'd hate to see some materialistic wacko hanging on to my best bud.
So.. to my two bestfrens… i totally understand how you guys feel.. and i'm sorry for what happened.. HOWEVER.. take your time to decide when and how to move on.. know this, time doesnt necessarily heals all wounds, but eventually it does numb it..at least. I wish you both the very best of what life and love can offer.. May both of you find your significant other… soon.
" Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes, it is letting go"
~Herman Hesse
Weddings.. (not mInE!!) April 3, 2006
Posted by blackwidow in Relationships.add a comment
so yeah, here's the wedding post i mentioned.
having reached the first quarter of my life, it also means that your frens start settling down and get married. For the past few months, all my weekends are booked for frens and colleagues weddings. The thing about wedding is, it either make you sad, or happy. One feeling would supersede the other.
My best fren's wedding on saturday was a grand affair. Twas the whole works, berinai, khatam Quran, bersanding and merenjis. Then there was the separate reception at night in a dress and tux for the groom. I was happy for them, truly am.. especially so because i introduced them both. Like what i di to my brother and sis-in-law.
The other wedding i attended last night, was also of a close fren. Not as close as i would like it to be, simply because i dont hang out with her and the others as much as i would like to anymore.. But was glad for the invitation nevertheless. 
Her theme was blue, a very rare shade of blue. One i've never seen yet, in all my years of attending weddings. She was already " D' babe" during uni years when we go around without make-up, and now, with all the make up piled on her and her hair nicely done, and all the bling blings, she WAS DROP DEAD GORGEOUS on her big day. Her mom wrote a special dedication for her wedding, from Puisi to Syair, and pantun. Yup.. It was beautiful. If it was my wedding, and that was dedicated to me, i would have cried a river to challenge the Niles. (apparently, she did cry.. on the first day of her wedding.- i attended the 2nd day). Another happy /sad occasion. One of those "menagis airmata kegembiraan" sort of days..
I was utterly happy for both of my frens, and wish them the best, and nothing else. May they be together till the end of time.
What made me sad though, is that a marriage would be in place when i play matchmaker, and never when its my own relationship. Sad, but true. I only got as far as a pre-engagement.. not even officially engaged! sigh…
The thing is, what went wrong? What didnt happen? Or what did happen? Come to think of it, am i sad because i'm not married when most of my frens are, or is it because i dont feel like i've met someone worthy of marriage, and vice versa?..
To some extent, one does feel kind of pressured to get married, especially when you see frens start having kids. But is that the only reason you get married, beacuse your friends are happily married and having kids? Or do you get married because you finally found someone you can live with for the rest of your life? If the latter is the case, then what about those friends who are now divorced? What would be the utmost reason or BIG SIGN that you are ready to get married?
What is it that suddenly goes *BLING* in these ppl's heads that a guy would say "please marry me" and girl goes, "YES! oh YESSS!!" …
Some people dated for 8 years, and broke up over a stupid fight. Some dated for 6 months and got married, happily. My longest relationship was 3 years, and that didnt work out for the best. Am now in a 9 months old relationship, but i dont have a clue where this is going.. We do love each other, and we do talk about marriage, we have both met the other's parents and families, so… what next? I put it down to financial. He'll probably say the same. But isnt pure love suppose to supersede all that too? Shouldnt we both work it out and get married. Money shouldnt be a problem right? BUT IT IS!
But isnt 2 heads better than one? So, if we do get married, and pool our income together, shouldnt that work?…
so many questions, yet i cant find the answers.. hmmm..
